


An Old Flame

by crazyqueerecrivain



Series: How Long Does Forever Last [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cancer, F/F, Flashbacks, Lexa's niece is Clarke's cancer patient, Minor Octavia Blake/Lincoln, Past Finn Collins/Clarke Griffin, Past Relationship(s), doctor!clarke, mention of rape, mentions of domestic violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-05-05 14:30:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5378570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyqueerecrivain/pseuds/crazyqueerecrivain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke has the perfect life in D.C. She's a successful pediatric oncologist and she has two amazing friends. What more could a 25 year old doctor ask for? Only Clarke suddenly is forced to face the past when a familiar face confronts her at work one day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. C L A R K

Clarke Griffin had the perfect life. She was a skilled pediatric oncologist, working at Washington D.C.’s most respectable hospital. Then she went to work today. “Hey Griffin, late night last night?” Clarke’s favorite nurse, and best friend, Octavia teased, knowing all too well that Clarke hadn’t been laid in weeks, not for lack of trying on Octavia’s part. After long shifts, Octavia would drag Clarke out to clubs; almost force alcohol down the blonde’s throat, yet still, the only one finding a man (or woman, the most aggravating part for Octavia was that Clarke didn’t even have a gender preference to narrow the pool!) was Octavia. Two weeks ago, Octavia had found Lincoln, which got Clarke off the hook on some days, but Lincoln was a fire fighter, and when he was on shift, Clarke was up on Octavia’s schedule.

“Haha. How’s Lincoln?” Clarke dodged her friends questioning, by focusing on the single thing Clarke knew would distract Octavia. Octavia smirked, launching into too much detail about her previous night. Clarke’s day was to be pretty normal. First she had the Jordan Family, who’s child Sterling had leukemia. Then, she’d have the Murphy's, whose son John had a tumor in his brain. Finally, she’d see one new family, before floating to the ED.

And just like that, Clarke’s day was normal. It was filled with smiles, and laughs, and inevitably tears. A lot of people asked Clarke why she stayed in oncology; after all she was a brilliant doctor, and surgeon. She graduated from Yale’s medical school at the tender age of 22, and her parents were Dr. Abby and Jake Griffin. Abby was the best neuroscientist in the country and Jake was a brilliant engineer. She had had limitless opportunities. She had screwed some up, sure, but few people knew about her dark days, and even fewer people would venture to talk about them. 

“So, O, have you met this new family?” Clarke asked, flipping through the chart of the new patient. Tris Woods, five years old, bone cancer. She’d been battling for three years of her life, but she was no closer to better. 

“Yeah, I was there when they brought the girl in. Her aunt brought her in, and both her parents came within hours. Seems to be a good family. You think she stands a chance doc?” Clarke could always tell when Octavia was nervous about a patient. She always used ‘doc’ instead of ‘Clarke’.

“I don’t know Octavia, but in this line of work, we always have to think positively.” Clarke sighed, “Want to come with me?” Octavia nodded slightly. Clarke flashed her a smile as they walked to the room at the end of the hall. Octavia always got invested in patients, especially, young girls under the age of eight. It wasn’t fair and sometimes Octavia had trouble accepting that.

“Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Woods, I’m Dr. Griffin, but you can call me Clarke.” Clarke started her normal formalities, outstretching her hand, without really looking at their faces. “And you must be Tris.” Clarke grinned, her eyes skirting from the floor to the little girl’s face. She looked eerily familiar to Clarke, but she didn’t dare dig into that part of her memory to find out from where she knew this young child.

“Clarke?” _Shit_. Clarke knew that voice; she would always know that voice. Wearily, Clarke turned her head, her eyes meeting a pair of green eyes that were burnt into her memory.

_Clarke was having a shitty day. She had just gotten her first D and of all assignments for it to be on, it was on an orgo paper that was worth 20% of her final grade. Fucking organic chemistry. She was going to be a doctor, when was she going to use all this carbon shit? It had been pouring rain when she left her dorm, which soaked her sketches, and now she was waiting, dripping wet, in what seemed to be a never-ending Starbucks line. When she was finally called, Clarke was grumpy. “Peppermint mocha with a pump of hazelnut and an extra shot of espresso.” Clarke grit her teeth, trying to remember her manners, “please.” The cashier smiled, despite Clarke’s shitty mood, and Clarke had to admit the girl, Lexa according to her nametag, had a pretty nice smile._

_“And what’s the name for this?” Lexa asked, a little too cheery for Clarke’s current state._

_“Clarke.” Lexa smiled, as if she liked the originality of Clarke’s name, but Clarke, was not having it with all the smiles. She ordered grudgingly and goddamnit she was going to stay that way. After she paid, Clarke waited silently, and petulantly, by the counter._

_“Clarke.” Lexa, oddly enough, was the one to call out her name. On her cup there was a little message ‘C L A R K we should get coffee sometime. Or drinks, since I work at a coffee place –Lexa’ Lexa even got a smile out of Clarke with that message._

_“I’m Lexa by the way,” Lexa smiled, handing Clarke the mocha._

_"_ _You spelled my name wrong.” Clarke said frankly, and walked out._

“Clarke?” Lexa’s voice echoed through Clarke’s ears for a second time. Clarke clenched her jaw, trying to pull herself together. It had been three damn years; she could handle being around the girl she once loved. There was something so sickly sweet about those memories. There was something about what happened afterward that soured the memories Clarke had of Lexa.

“Lexa.” Clarke responded, not really knowing what to say, though her mind was rapidly connecting the dots. “Anya, Gustus,” She turned to the two parents who’s faced she recognized as those of Lexa’s siblings. Technically Anya was the only true sibling, but Gustus had always been around and when they married, it just made it official. Clarke shivered with knowledge she shouldn’t have of these people. That’s why Tris’s face had appeared familiar. Clarke and Lexa used to babysit for baby Tris, back before she was diagnosed with cancer, back before Clarke was a doctor.

“I didn’t know you were in D.C.” Lexa broke the awkward silence, without a question. Clarke nodded.

“Yeah I moved a couple months ago. Octavia here has been showing me the ropes.” Clarke forced a smile, motioning to Octavia, who was staring at Clarke in awe.

“How’s Finn?” Lexa asked tensely, yet still gently. Clarke tensed, noticeably.

“Out of my life.” And with that, Clarke turned to Tris, “So, Miss Tris, tell me, how you’re feeling.” They didn’t get to talking any further, during that visit, but Clarke knew Octavia would ambush her later. 

* * *

“So, Clarke Griffin, huh, what’s it been two years?” Anya probed at Lexa, once Tris was sound asleep and Gus was going to fetch something to eat.

“Three.” Lexa sighed, trying desperately not to let her mind wander. She had been so utterly shocked when she saw those blonde waves she’d know anywhere, that she had lost tact. She had asked about Finn.

“How do you feel about her treating Tris?” Anya asked gently, knowing that relationship had always been a little dicey with Lexa.

“She’s the best there is right? I want Tris to have the best.” Lexa evaded the question, but gave a vague answer. Anya nodded, shutting her eyes for mere moments. Lexa wanted to do the same, but she feared what would happen when she shut her eyes.

Eventually, Gus and Anya cuddled up on one chair and fell asleep in each other’s arms, so Lexa was left to do the same. It was late, and she was tired, but something told her not to let her eyes flutter. That something lost to exhaustion. 

_“Clarke, please!” Lexa yelled, her vocal chords burning from the constant arguing the past few days. She could feel tears start to form in her eyes._

_“Lexa, I’m sorry.” Clarke was so calm, driving Lexa further insane. She could raise her voice and yell, but that wouldn’t change the fact that her girlfriend was packing up her stuff and leaving. Somehow though, it made Lexa feel better, like at least she was trying._

_“Clarke, at least give me a why. This isn’t fair!” Lexa all but wailed; hating how Clarke had her wrapped around her little finger. Lexa wasn’t the emotions type, but when it came to Clarke, emotions were all she had. In all five years of their relationship, Lexa had always been able to tell what Lexa was thinking- at least after the first six months. These last few months had been different. Clarke had been distant and she just yelled at Lexa whenever they had issues. It felt so different than before._

_“I’m doing this because I love you Lexa, I promise.” Clarke said through teary eyes, then she closed the door behind her._


	2. A Winter Wonderland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated tags for this chapter, look at those before you read.

_"What are you doing?" Lexa's musical laugh filtered through their newly purchased studio apartment._

_"I'm drawing you, hold still." Clarke smiled, starting to sketch the lines that would form Lexa's face. Clarke had always drawn. For as long as she could remember, drawing had been Clarke's method of communication. When she first met Lexa, she drew for days. There were drawings of her face, drawings of her full body, drawings of anything having to do with Lexa. She drew after her finals, and she drew all the way through her semester break She had only started to be less obsessive when she returned to the coffee shop after the break in order to take Lexa up on her offer for coffee (they were both underage). Still, a year and many nights later, Lexa still hadn't seen Clarke draw_ her. 

_Lexa raised her eyebrows, curiously, but didn't make a move, her grin growing wider. "Draw me like one of your French girls." Lexa's attempted to manipulate her voice into a sexy French accent failed miserably, causing her to fall into a fit of giggles._

_Clarke shook her head, sighing. "You are so much easier to draw from memory." She contorted her face, trying hard to continue her sketch. She was concentrating so intently, she didn't notice Lexa leaving her seat and making her way over to Clarke, until Lexa was positioning herself into her girlfriends lap._

_"How can I make it up to you?" Lexa purred, wrapping her arms around the blonde's neck. Lexa grinned when she noticed a shiver travel through Clarke._

_"I'm sure you'll find a way." Clarke murmured into Lexa's neck, putting her sketch pad on the table. She didn't want to finish that sketch anyway._  

* * *

"Auntie Lexa?" The voice of her niece toke Lexa from her dream. She couldn't decide if it was a good thing or bad thing, dreaming about Clarke. 

"Hey kiddo, what's up?" Lexa asked her voice laced with fatigue. Tris fiddled with her fingers, meaning she wanted something for Lexa. 

"They're making paper snowflakes down at the play room." That wasn't what she wanted from Lexa. "Daddy and mommy said I could go." Still no request from the little girl. "Would you maybe come with me?" Tris whispered the question almost inaudibly. Lexa's smile grew. Tris was one of the bravest little girls Lexa knew: she would climb anything without fear, try everything new without hesitation, battle fucking cancer with a smile, but when it came to socializing, Tris was quite timid. Once someone talked to Tris, she was fine; it just took someone being there until that happens. 

"Sure kiddo, let's go." Lexa swung the five-year-old up and rested her on her hip. She would be sore the next day, but the grin on her niece's face was worth it. Lexa nearly ran (it made Tris giggle) to the playroom, bobbing her up and down, making bizarre sound effects. Once there, there was a hoard of children ages, by Lexa's guess, 3-12, cutting and coloring white paper into snowflakes. 

Tris lead Lexa over to a yellow table in the far corner of the room, plopping down next to a girl, similar in age to Tris, wearing a facial mask. The girls quickly dove into conversation, rendering Lexa useless, so she just watched the two interact. Without the baldness, and hats, and masks, this scene could belong in an elementary school. 

"Hows it going?" A rough feminine voice lulled Tris's conversation. 

"Look at my snowflake Clarke!" The girl next to Tris bounced, "This is my new friend Tris! We're going to make snowflakes together!" Tris cheered lightly in agreement. "Will you make one too?" The girl asked as Clarke pulled up a chair between the two young girls, who happily moved to let their favorite doctor through. Watching Clarke do her job fascinated Lexa. She had known artist Clarke, and student Clarke, and even resident Clarke, but she had never seen Doctor Clarke work. She always had a smile on her face, and was gentle with the children, but Lexa could see the consistent sadness in Clarke's eyes. 

"Yes, but only if Lexa does." Clarke grinned, prompting Lexa to choke back a groan. She was the opposite of Clarke, artistically speaking. Once Clarke had tried to get Lexa to draw them around the tree, and she refused to let the brunette distract her, so that date ended in Clarke having more "artwork" on her neck than the paper covered with lame stick figures. At this point, though, Lexa didn't have a choice. She had two very sick children looking up at her expectantly. 

"Okay," she half grumbled, shooting a glare at Clarke who couldn't help but smirk. 

Clarke could not for the life of her figure out how Lexa managed to cut herself, not once, but twice making a paper freaking snowflake, but alas Lexa donned two princess bandaids on two different fingers on her left hand. 

"Clarke?" Tris asked, addressing Clarke directly for the first time, "Will you draw a winter wonderland? I'd ask auntie Lexa, but she's not very good at art." Involuntarily, Clarke sucked in air and tensed, her heart beat quickening slightly. 

"How do you know I'm any good?" Clarke asked, hoping the five year olds wouldn't pick up on the obvious confusion that was plastered all over Lexa's face. It really shouldn't be a big deal, just a basic winter landscape. For years she had drawn, just because she had been in a three-year drought didn't make her any less able. Damn Cage and Finn for ruining drawing for her.  

_Clarke felt like she was going to throw up. The past few months she and Lexa had been on the rocks, but never once had they gone to bed without resolving the argument; this was going to be the first. Clarke couldn’t bring herself to return home, not tonight. Her pants lay yards away, but Clarke could barely conjure the energy to keep her eyes open. How would she be able to conjure the energy to get dressed again? To go to the store and buy makeup to mask the bruises she’s sure were starting to form on her face? To buy the emergency birth control she had never needed with Lexa? She couldn’t go home and lay in her pure bed with everything that had happened tonight. All those fears that Clarke logically knew she shouldn’t have, crept into her mind. What if Lexa didn’t want her after finding out? What if they were never the same? Had she edged Cage on? Maybe it was her fault. Clarke forced her eyes shut; she couldn’t think about this any longer. Slowly, Clarke pulled herself up and slid into her pants. She wasn’t sure where she’d go, but she knew she had to get out of the alleyway._

_“You okay?” Maybe ten minutes later a male voice nearly made Clarke jump out of her skin._

_“Who… who’s there?” Clarke stuttered feigning confidence._

_“My name’s Finn, I promise, I won’t hurt you.” The man offered gently. Clarke could barely stomach being this close to a man, fear building in her gut._

_Against her better judgment, Clarke went with Finn. They got coffee, well Finn got coffee, Clarke got hot chocolate. Finn bought all necessary supplies from the one local CVS, and let Clarke stay at his place. She cried in his arms that night, detailing what had happened with Cage. Hours before, Clarke wasn’t sure she could have ever looked at another man for a long time, but she felt safe with Finn. She fell asleep in his arms, never knowing that he deleted a text from her phone._

**_Lexa_ ** _[0329]: Clarke, I just woke up and you still aren’t home. Please love; let me know that you’re okay. I’m worried. I know we fought, and I’m sorry. We can conquer anything Clarke, as long as we’re together. Please call. Love, Lexa._

"Please, anyone is better than Lexa," Tris turned to her aunt, "not that I don't love you Auntie Lexa, but you stink at drawing." Lexa laughed, the familiar sound making Clarke shiver. Clarke's jaw tightened; she wouldn't - she couldn't - let down Tris. Slowly, Clarke started to sketch the scene on the white construction paper, using the nearby colored pencils; a pine tree here, a snowman there and the drawing began to come to life. When it was time to draw them, Clarke didn't hesitate to draw the two young girls, and herself. When she got to Lexa, though, she paused. Her hand started to move, without her brain's command, sketching the features that she had drawn countless times before.

"Woah." Tris was stunned as Clarke handed her the drawing. "You're a good drawer."

"Thank you," Clarke laughed, "you know, I haven't drawn in three years, and now I think I'll start again, thanks to you." Clarke lied, she wasn't sure she could ever draw again, not like she used to, but she figured it would make the patient happy. It did. Clarke smiled, before excusing herself.

She was glad few people knew of the staff only bathroom on the fourth floor. It gave her a good place to just let all the emotions and tears roll away. 


	3. The 60-Hour Day

“So, Clarke dearest, would you please elaborate on how exactly you know our new patient?” Octavia pressed, gulping down a shot of scotch. They were both technically on call, but Octavia had an unsettlingly high tolerance. (Probably due to the immense amount of partying she did once she escaped her shitty home, but she didn’t like to advertise that part.)

Clarke shrugged, “Lexa and I used to date.” Octavia had met Clarke on her first day at D.C. General and they had bonded instantly. Apparently Octavia reminded Clarke of her best friend Raven. She could tell that Clarke wasn’t telling her the entire truth.

“If that were a six-point test question, you would be getting a point. Do you really want a 16% Clarke? I thought you were better than that.” Octavia scoffed, attempting to mask the smile starting to spread across her face. Clarke looked like she was thinking, so for a moment there, Octavia thought she might have won. She hadn’t.

“I don’t know,” Clarke fiddled her fingers, probably starting to regret her sobriety. “It ended three years back, O, there’s not that much to say.”

Octavia groaned. “C’mon Clarke, details!”

_“Get your lazy ass up.” Clarke rolled over groaning. “C’mon sleepy head there are people to bang and fights to start!” What a Raven thing to say. “It’s been two weeks Clarke, you have to get back to your life.” Raven’s voice audibly softened as she took a seat on Clarke’s bed._

_“I can’t, not without her.” Clarke mumbled into the bed, Lexa’s cries echoing through their head. Raven grunted, which was never a good sign._

_“Then get your cute butt back to your own apartment and_ apologize _!” Raven said, tugging on the pillow Clarke held over her head._

_“I can’t, not after everything.” Clarke choked back a sob. It had been three months since it happened, and Clarke had spiraled out of control quickly. She and Finn would go out for drinks after Clarke’s workday, then she would wake up at three or four in the morning at Finn’s place. He’d take her home where she and Lexa would yell, (Well, Clarke would yell, Lexa would try to talk to Clarke but would inevitably flee before tears flooded her glassy eyes.) Clarke never truly remembered what happened those nights, but she had vague memories. She never meant for any of this to happen, it just kind of did._

_“Clarke,” Raven sighed, resting her hand on Clarke’s thigh, “I’ll bet you twenty dollars if you go over then and you guys talk- talk not yell- then you’ll be calling me in a couple hours with way too much detail about how amazing make up sex is.” Raven finally won the tug-of-war, yanking the pillow away from Clarke._

_Clarke couldn’t even fathom thinking about sex right now. She really wasn’t sure what she wanted. One part of her brain wanted to feel Lexa wrapped around her, to know that Lexa was there. The other part feared Lexa, feared the intimacy they had. She feared that Lexa would hurt her, or that even worse her being close to Lexa would hurt Lexa. Clarke lusted for the time before she met Cage Wallace. Clarke fished for something in her pocket._

_“I will give you twenty dollars if you please let me sleep.” Clarke grumbled, finally showing her puffy face to the world. There hadn’t been a night since Clarke moved in with Raven that she hadn’t cried herself to sleep or woken up screaming._

_“No Clarke,” She sighed, “Will you ever tell me what happened?” Raven asked softly. Clarke closed her eyes in attempt to remove the glassiness from them, but she had little success. Tears started to stain her eyelids._

_“Someday.” Clarke gulped, hoping she was telling the truth_

“Clarke? Woohoo? Anyone home?” Octavia waved her hand in front of Clarke’s face, bringing her back from her memories.

“Yeah, sorry, what?” Clarke tried to focus on her friend, having already lost track of Octavia’s voice once before.

“Details on the Lexa relationship and breakup?” Octavia grinned, sipping the beer that seemed to have just appeared in Octavia’s hand. Clarke sighed, realizing she wasn’t going to win.

“We met when I was seventeen. We dated for five years,” Five years two months and eight days, “About a month before my graduation from med school I broke it off. It wasn’t that interesting, I promise O.” Clarke shrugged off the story, her mind flooded with the details. Lexa was Clarke’s first in almost every way. The first time Clarke kissed a girl, it was Lexa. The first time Clarke slept with anyone, it was Lexa. The first time Clarke said ‘I love you’ it was to Lexa. The first person Clarke lived with was Lexa. So much of what Clarke knew of relationships stemmed from Lexa, not that her relationship with Finn had been anywhere close to her and Lexa’s. When Finn got angry he hit, when Lexa got angry, she told Clarke. There was a gentleness that Clarke had only known with Lexa.

“How does a relationship that long just end?” Octavia asked softly, realizing the sensitivity surrounding the subject for Clarke.

“I fucked up.” Clarke nearly whispered. For three years Finn had indoctrinated her to think that it was her fault. Not only the break up, but the attack as well. Only recently had Raven started to convince the latter was not Clarke’s fault, but the former, Clarke still viewed that as entirely her own fault. Raven tried to persuade her otherwise, but Clarke kept her ideas on that matter constant.

“So since when can you draw like _that_?” Octavia changed the subject matter to something she figured would be lighter topic, but before she could answer, both her and Octavia’s pockets started to beep in synchronous. Saved by the pager. Every. Single. Time. The girls exchanged looks before paying Octavia’s bar tab and heading out.

“You good?” Clarke asked as they pulled into the hospital-parking garage.

“Clear as a bell.”

* * *

Clarke wasn’t sure where the hours- days really- had gone, but she knew it had been 60 hours since she slept and 45 hours since she and Octavia had arrived at the hospital. There had been a horrific train derailment and thousands were in critical condition. Clarke had been in and out of surgery on countless people all night (day, she wasn’t sure) and now that they had done everything they could for everyone they could, Clarke was allowed to go home. She dared a look at her watch: Mon 7:16 AM. Shit. Tris was being discharged to outpatient care today, and she had promised she’d say goodbye. Eyelids heavy, Clarke made her way to the elevator, pressing the buttons she had memorized.

“Tris!” Clarke chirped, in the cheeriest tone she could possibly manage on this little sleep, when she got to the young girl’s room.

“Dr. Clarke!” Tris cheered running up to Clarke and throwing her arms around Clarke’s legs and lower torso, Clarke was kind of short. “Do you pinky promise the Dr. Jackson is just as good?” Tris asked after pulling away. Clarke laughed, nodding, and stunk out her pinky. Tris took it and nodded. It was so easy with kids, give them your pinky and all of a sudden they had complete confidence in you.

“Wait, you’re not going to be her doc?” Lexa spoke from the far end of the room. Clarke shook her head.

“Dr. Jackson is my outpatient counterpart. He’ll take good care of her.” Clarke focused on not slurring her words. “I’ll still bop in occasionally.” Clarke added, trying to wrap up the conversation. “It was nice to meet you all again.” Clarke smiled, shaking Anya and Gustus’s hands and giving Tris one last hug.

“Clarke!” Clarke groaned, hearing her name as she got to the door to the parking garage. So freaking close. She was so not able to do this right now. “Clarke we need to talk. Please.” Lexa caught up to Clarke, stopping in front of her.

“Lexa,” Clarke sighed tiredly, “I can’t do this right now.” The anger and frustration festered in Lexa’s stomach. Three years of sadness and anger and betrayal rolling into a boil.

“If not now, when Clarke?” Lexa growled as they walked into the parking garage, Clarke pushing the air between them forcing Lexa backwards.

“Anytime but now.” Clarke practically pleaded, her eyes fluttering shut, then snapping open.

“No Clarke NOW.” Lexa’s voice was thick with emotion. “Why? Why did you leave? Why didn’t you explain? You don’t just fall out of love like that.” As the words came out, Lexa’s voice just grew louder and louder. Clarke’s eyes unfocused then refocused, but when she could see again, Lexa wasn’t alone.

“Stop!” Clarke screamed, causing a flash of anger and concern in Lexa’s eyes.

“No Clarke, we need to talk. I loved you, goddamnit I still do!” Lexa yelled angrily and tearfully back.

“Don’t touch her!” Clarke yelled that stupid, smug smile taunting her. “Cage I promise I didn’t tell anyone!” Clarke pulled at her hair as fear built in her stomach.

“Who’s Cage? Another one of your boy-toys?” Lexa hadn’t meant for her words to become accusatory, but she had spent so much time wondering about Finn, the mention of a man set her off. She was done bottling up her emotions, done acting like an adult about everything. She had given Clarke five amazing years, possible the best five years of Lexa’s life; she couldn’t leave this fight un-fought.

“Stop it!” Clarke screamed again, before collapsing from pure exhaustion.


	4. Twenty Bucks

_“Clarke, you look fine!” Raven sighed exasperated, having spent the past two hours helping Clarke pick out something to wear and assuring her the Lexa would still like her just fine, no matter the outfit she donned on their date. Clarke was all worked up about this date she had planned, a picnic on her and Raven’s apartment terrace. Clarke was going to tell Lexa she loved her. Raven didn’t really see the big deal; the couple had been dating for nine months and was talking about moving in together. (Which Raven was all for because Clarke couldn’t seem to grasp how to load the dishwasher and it drove Raven crazy.)_

_“Are you sure?” Clarke asked maneuvering her hair into a ponytail. Raven rolled her eyes, not bothering to answer Clarke’s question, of course she was sure, and Clarke knew that. If there was one thing about Raven Reyes, it was she spoke what she thought no matter if it hurt or helped whomever._

_“Can I go now? Your girlfriend will be here soon and being home once while you two went down on each other was one time too many. Raven teased, scrunching her nose. Despite the story being four months old Clarke flushed a bright red._

_“We didn’t know you were home! You were supposed to be out with Kyle.” Clarke grunted, trying to deflect the embarrassment. Raven shot one of her signature ‘really?’ looks at Clarke, but didn’t have a chance to add to the conversation before Clarke sighed._

_“Fine, go slobber on your boy.” Clarke shooed Raven from their apartment, her voice light and teasing._

_Raven laughed, “Oh I’m planning on doing more than just slobbering.” Clarke almost gagged, motivating her to open the door and shove Raven out._

_“Now Clarke,” a new voice started, “pushing people is not nice.” Clarke hadn’t noticed Lexa when she had opened the door._

_"_ _I agree.” Raven huffed, before heading down the hallway engulfed in a fit of giggles._

_“Hey Babe.” Lexa pulled Clarke into a side hug and pecked Clarke’s cheek, before letting the door close behind her. “Wow,” Lexa breathed when she took in the entirety of what Clarke was wearing. Lexa for the life of her could not figure out how Clarke made a white v-neck and black jeans look_ that _good. Clarke could feel a certain warmth heat up her cheeks making her thankful for the dim light. Slowly, Clarke led Lexa out to the terrace. “This is beautiful Clarke.” Lexa grinned, taking a seat in the left lounging beach chair. “So what’s the occasion?” Lexa asked, her grin growing into a smile. This picnic style of a date reminded her of her and Clarke’s first date and the date that resulting in their first time together._

_“Why does it have to be an occasion?” Clarke answered after a short time of contemplation. Clarke entangled her fingers with Lexa’s. She wanted to explain to Lexa just how much she meant to Clarke; she wanted to tell her she loved her. Somehow it all seemed easier when their fingers were interlocked and they were together._

_“Maybe,” Lexa couldn’t tell if her voice was shaking or not, but it sure felt like it. “It can just be because,” Lexa found Clarke’s gaze and kept it. She found comfort in the familiar seas of blue. “We love each other?” She nearly whispered the last part._

_Clarke was stunned, a smile spreading across her face. For a few moments, Clarke said nothing, formulating the words she wished to say. Yet again, Lexa had beaten her to it, not much of a surprise after everything they’d done. Lexa always knew what Clarke wanted to say before she said it._

_“I think that works well, considering, I’m in love with you.” Clarke smiled, her eyes not leaving Lexa’s._

_“I’m in love with you too Clarke.”_

Clarke’s head was spinning, the last thing she remembered was finishing up her last surgery and was looking forward to crashing the moment she got home. She had woken up in a hospital room with Lexa sleeping in the corner. “Monty?” Clarke asked groggily as her eyes focused on the nurse changing her IV bad.

“Hey doc, welcome back to the living. Nathan will be happy, when he heard you were here, he bet me twenty bucks you’d sleep for more than twelve hours.” Clarke laughed. Monty and Miller seemed to be addicted to betting against each other, which made zero sense considering they were married, so it was shared money.

“What happened Monty? How long was I out?” Clarke asked, forcing herself up. By the reaction Monty had, it was a long time.

“You’ve been out for something like fourteen hours. I only got here an hour or two ago.” Monty explained. Clarke stole a look at the clock: 8:54 PM. Monty must have had the 7p to 7a shift. “She-” Monty motioned to Lexa, “brought you in half past seven, panicking about you passing out. They gave you an IV just to be safe.” Monty explained, though it seemed he and the hospital staff realized that Clarke really just needed sleep. She wondered how many of those hours had been spent dreaming of the girl who slept less than a yard away.

“Any how does Miller feel about you working night?” Clarke asked, her tone laced with sass. Monty laughed.

“Anything to make some extra money; we want a family and you need money for that.” Clarke figured Monty and Nathan would be good parents; though if they had a boy who liked science, Nathan would be screwed. Clarke nodded in understanding, and they said their salutations, so Monty could move onto the next patient.

“You’re okay?” Lexa’s voice made Clarke jump.

“Sh- Lex, how long have you been awake?” Clarke asked, repositioning herself to a normal person sitting position.

Apparently Lexa found Clarke’s terror incredibly humorous, as her chest started to vibrate in attempt to hold back her laughter. “Only a few minutes. I see you’ve been making lots of new friends.” Lexa smiled, daring to move her seat closer to Clarke. 

Clarke smiled, “Who Monty? Sort of, he and Jasper grew up together.” The realization settled in Lexa’s mind.

“ _That’s_ Monty? I thought he’d sound differently.” Jasper had told them quite a few stories about his childhood and they always included Monty. The both of them had a certain knack for causing, how could Clarke say this nicely, chemical reactions. Somehow, at the tender age of five years old, Jasper and Monty had caused a fire in Jasper’s kitchen. His parents hadn’t been happy; Monty’s parents on the other hand, had been very proud. They were both brilliant chemists and little Monty following in their footsteps was ever so exciting. Well, they were happy until the boys were thirteen and caused a large chemical fire that forced the Greens to live with the Jordans while they rebuilt. After that, both boys got a stern talking to on lab safety, and surprisingly there were no more fires until college. (That may or may not have been dependent on Mr. and Mrs. Green building they boys an actual lab with a fume hood and all necessary lab materials.)

“That’s Monty.” Clarke smiled, her eyes skirting towards the door where Monty had been mere minutes before. “So, Lexa, what, er, what exactly happened last night?” Clarke asked once she had finally gathered the courage. Lexa’s expression hardened. Shit.

“Well,” Lexa started, her voice high, like there was something she didn’t want to tell Clarke. “I was trying to catch up to you, after you told Tris goodbye, and I did, but you didn’t want to talk. I guess I should have listened to you.” Lexa laughed a little, “I pushed and you started yelling at some Cage dude, then you collapsed.” Lexa paused, “Do you not remember any of it?” Clarke shook her head dread bubbling in her stomach.

“What did I say about Cage?” Clarke asked, trying to not let the strain of her voice through.

“Just that he needed to stop and that you didn’t tell anyone. You told him not to touch her.” Lexa made air quotes around the word ‘her’. Clarke sighed with relief. At least she hadn’t mentioned what Cage had done. They sat in silence for what seemed like a long time, Clarke thoughts spinning.

“Maybe I should explain.” She stuttered out, unsure if she was ready or not to relive this nightmare. She hadn’t even told Raven all the gory details, but she knew Lexa deserved an explanation. “Do you remember when we were fighting a lot?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun stuff, so I added an additional chapter to this fic, that I just didn't really like, and I've actually since deleted it, and decided to end things here. That said, I'm thinking I may write a follow-up of like important moments of their future in this universe or what not, but I'm not positive. I'm here for feedback, so let me know. I hope you all have enjoyed the fic!

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi to me on tumblr (my-queer-french-scars)


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